Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
