My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
