You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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