i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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