My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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