never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
