I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
