Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
