My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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