He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Duck Duck Cougar?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
