A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
