So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
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