everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
