He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
