you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
