At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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