everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
