I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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