So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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