it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
