what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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