he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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