Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
