i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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