Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
