Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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