Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
being pregnant is like rehab
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
