just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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