saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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