and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He did a backflip because drugs
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