dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
