1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
