i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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