Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
