i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Found the puke drawer
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
