Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We're too hungover to prance.
I need water and some morals
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
