hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
