Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
