So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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