Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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