It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize