I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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