i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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