you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
