I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
