I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
