I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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