i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
my shit smells like andre
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Someone stole a lamp last night.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
