She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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