I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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