Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
