Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
