i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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