Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
