i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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