Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize