I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
