Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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