Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
they need to just BURY HIM!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
