What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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