After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
