All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
