The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
