whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
did i walk over a car last night?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
