So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
