If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
