the condom got lost in my hair
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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