so explain again why im purple
no
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
