You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
