The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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