I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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