someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
